Yesterday, I made a prediction. It was a sort of dark prediction. I told someone my prediction and they did not think it would happen. Guess what? It happened. My husband was astounded! “How do you do that? How do you know what people are going to do?” I will confess. It is not me. It is my evil twin….or is it?
My evil twin is something else. Here are some more things she does besides predicting the dark side of people:
She knows how to manipulate everything to go her way. She knows how to cut right through someone’s heart with her tongue. She knows how to make her husband feel like the scum of the earth. She knows how to hurt her children’s feelings. She desires to blast her marriage aggravations all over Facebook. She desires to gripe about her children acting like children all over Facebook. She wants to be the perpetual martyr and play the victim over every situation. She wants to “keep it real” by blasting anyone who dare disagree with her. She wants to put people in their place and if it hurts them…well, they will get over it won’t they? She wants to isolate those in her life who disagree with her. Who needs them right? She wants to burn bridges and never reconcile differences. She tells me all sorts of ideas on how to handle things. She gives me visions of how it will make others feel if I do it. She gives me inner pleasure when I follow her ideas.
I look around, laughing with her at our victory! Her voice fades from me. Her evil task is done and she is gone. She has left me. I am alone. Her selfishness has ran those I love away. Her “way” has led me to a path that no one else but me travels. Her “realness” has left no room for other viewpoints. Her “putting people in their place” has no room for compassion and now others are afraid to speak in front of me. Her isolation from those who disagree has led to a world that only consists of me. Those bridges that she burned are really hard to rebuild. I am angry at her! How could I let her do this to me? She has taken my life to a place that I did NOT want to go! She has hurt people that I love! She has made my world a dark, stormy, tiny little island and I am the lonely exile.
I want her gone! She only seeks to destroy all that was good in my life! She does not want me to be happy.
I try to lock her up but she figures out ways to escape. I try to block her voice but she finds ways to unplug my ears. I try to run from her but she always catches me!
What do I do? Where do I turn? How can she be put in bondage? How can I live free? How do I love others? How do I put my selfishness aside? How can I seek the good in those around me? How can I reach out beyond my own little world and into the world of those around me? How can look through eyes of compassions instead of condemnation?
Listen? Do you hear it? I hear a voice that is whispering in my soul. It is the voice of my Savior. I remember that voice. That still, small voice. I could not hear it so well when I was concentrating on the voice of my evil twin. But that voice is still there. Now that I do not want to listen to my destroyer, I can hear more clearly!
The voice of my Savior is saying things like:
“You cannot control your evil twin, but I can.” “You cannot love others like you should, but I can love them through you.” “You will have husband and children problems. Just talk to me about it, not others.” “You can be real about your life. But being real doesn’t mean being real mean. Love others is always first.” “You will go through hard times in your life. You can glorify me by not complaining. Do all things without murmuring.” “You cannot always have your way. You should seek my way for your life and allow others to do the same.” “You should live peaceably among others. Always seek peace.” “You cannot control others. When they hurt you and reject you, keep an open heart so that if they ever want to come back into your life, you will allow them another chance.” “You get yourself in trouble by listening to other voices. Listen to my voice and I will guide you.”
And then, my Savior speaks His last words of truth to my heart. It caught me off guard and offended me at first. I let it sink in and I realized that once again, He was right.
He said, “Alicia, you have no evil twin. You are your own worst enemy. You cannot blame your actions on something or someone else. All good things are from me. Every good thought and every good action you have ever had are from me. Without my help in your life, this is what you are left with. Your selfishness, your manipulation, your whining, your offenses, your rejection of others….these are all evidences that you are not letting me control your life. Don’t be discouraged. You see, you are only exiled as long as you choose to stay on that island. I am here to rescue you and to help you. It is up to you.”
I run quickly to my Savior! “Yes, I want rescued! Yes, I want delivered from the captivity I have out myself in! Yes, I want to live and to love!”
Suddenly, the clouds break. The sun shines! I look around and my world has opened up. I see people that need loved. I see hearts that need healed. I see my husband and my kids as I see myself….just ordinary people that need the help of Jesus Christ in our Iives! But mostly, I see me. I see me honestly. I see that I am a broken, helpless girl who makes a mess of her life…all by herself. I see that I desperately need Jesus. With that vision, compassion comes. I am not held in bondage anymore because I know how I get there…and I know WHO can get me out. (2 Timothy 2:9 “Wherein I suffer trouble, as an evil doer, even unto bonds; but the word of God is not bound.”)
I am my evil twin without the Lord controlling my life. I can easily become my evil twin when I don’t listen to the Lord in my life. I need His help and voice each and every day. I am so thankful that God is patient with me and that He never stops speaking. May God help me to never stop listening!
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